Oxon Grammar turns mean!
Ladies and gentlemen, sometimes I wonder why my knighthood from Her Majesty The Queen of England is still pending. I know it’s still
quite confusing for the ordinary mind to understand what I’m saying.
O.K…let me get things clear: It all started with some silly guys and some events of life that got me fed up, when for no cause I am
reduced to utter disgrace by having to talk to people far below the calibre of my mental capabilities. It pains! I tell you. Because all of a
sudden, an intelligence non-possessor, just can’t appreciate!
I know my point for this, is still phenomenon; anyway, it’s my English- it’s just too good or rather I live in communities of non English
speakers- that I will leave to you to find out!
This began quite a long time ago, when my teacher of English, just at the mere mention of my name, Andrew, she would develop extra
systole and later would be diagnosed with cardiac arrest (extra systole, by the way means abnormal heart beat).
One time I wrote an essay about women. I simply said that, “... in ample view of sheer prognosis, the extempore de-exuberation of
anomalous rationale and systematised propaganda shunly follows a diversity of horizons with gross minimal consideration of the
verticious unsubstantiated protocol...” but she fumed and fumed as if she knew what I was saying or better still as if her judgement
was going to change the trend of things! But you know me! I decided to let her say it all, after all if she had a presentable I.Q, it would
have been just one eleventh (1/11) of mine (a tenth (1/10) is too large a fraction!)
The majority of people think am immodest, just like an ordinary human being. But people why don’t we face facts? I mean, there is
always a one eyed among the blind and besides, an only palm fruit doesn’t get lost in the fire, does it?
About three years later, I was called to give a lecture to a few university students (mind you I was in First form (F.1)). It was supposed
to be about problems of the 21st Century but it ended up being a high order of verbal exchange, which I won of course!
I started with their English (of is and was) by defining what a problem is “ ...a problem is a three hold, two fold hyperbolic
circumstance in which any given individual will or may assume or actually find himself or herself in regardless of whether or not there
is an absolute occurrence of exanamous abominations...” Here many students assumed they had comprehended, so I continued with
the explanation, “...three hold in that they are pragmatic, intrinsic and ineluctable bilateral quagmires and two fold because of
eccentric abomatic quipus collapera...” Now the heat was on! “What is bilateral quagmire?” asked one lady. I replied, “This is a short
term ballistic circumstance which follows neither collateral prognosis nor divergent convergence!” “Oh! I see.” She said. “Do you
really? I thought.
After the lecture, I managed to eavesdrop on them and heard them saying that I had crammed words- What a view! But I’m never
affected by the way people think about me and I just concluded that they all had unacceptable intervals of intelligence.
Now this goes to the politicians who campaign by saying that they will maintain freedom and modernisation, this is all trash! Have you
seen my latest lines? - Which are up for sale to those who want to win elections-at my simplest cost of USD 2000.I will give you a
sample for free: “...I stand here to propose pragmatism and oppose dogmatism. I don’t intend to sub tune the country’s (or community
whatever the case may be) legacy, but rather maintain peace, concord and tranquillity...”
Often people will not appreciate you because they are nonsensical, they say all sorts of things behind your back, but stand still when
you are alone. I have been thinking of going to Greece and meet one-on-one with the Greek- god-of-knowledge, but he may quake and
send a host of angels. Whatsoever the case, I have to win. Brethren, I have to pen-off but this will be a hard one. Yesterday, I wrote an
essay and the teacher, sorry the person who stands in front of the class, gave me 99% with all the best comments but I declined it
immediately because that was not a mark for an intelligent man!
I remain yours till then,
Witness my hand,
ANDREW OKELLO Jassa Prett
7th Day of January 2005.
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